The second I became a parent, every emotion and feeling I have ever had was suddenly magnified a thousand times or more: happiness, love, sadness, guilt, appreciation, hunger (haha), and fear. I am surprised by the new feeling of constantly fearing that something bad will happen to our family. I've never been much of a worrier, but lately my mind comes up with the craziest scenarios and I can't seem to stop it. I think it's pretty normal to have a fear of your child getting a terrible sickness or someone in your family passing away, but my fears are a little out there and usually involve something happening to me and Beckett being alone. We have these deathly wooden stair in our house that I'm sure someone is going to be seriously injured on one day. Multiple times a day I am afraid of falling down them while I'm holding Beckett. My biggest fear is that he will be protected in his Beckett Bucket and not get hurt at all, but I will be knocked unconscious and he will be left alone for hours. Or the latest and most ridiculous thought that keeps crossing my mind every time I go to the store is that I will put Beckett in the car, and sometime between shutting his door, putting the cart away, and getting into my door, I will be hit by a car. They will rush me to the hospital and no one will know Beckett is in the car. He could be there for hours or even days! These are the crazy irrational thoughts that are in my head! Am I crazy? I'm not sure I want anyone to answer that. But I can't be the only one to have super wacko thoughts like this, right? At first I thought it was post pregnancy hormones, but I'm pretty sure those are stabilized by now. I wish I was afraid of normal things, like what if we get in a car wreck, or what if Beckett accidentally eats dog food? Being a mom makes your brain go weird!


Mandy and Brian said...

This made me laugh so hard. I've been thinking I was crazy because I've had like the exact same thoughts. I used to be sooo terrified I'd fall down the stairs while holding Ellie. My crazy thought scenario the other day was that Ellie would be napping, my door knob would bust in my bedroom, I wouldn't have my cell phone, and I'd be locked in the bedroom all day with Ellie being stuck all alone. So your not crazy. Or more likely, we're both crazy.