The first year that Beckett was born I felt.... weird. I couldn't put my finger on it, but at times I felt isolated, lonely, and disconnected. Even though I was working and getting out more than I even wanted to, I didn't feel like I had many people to connect with. I had few friends at the same stage of life as me that I could vent to and confide in. Although Mark and I were incredibly happy and loving being new parents, I was lacking connections with friends, and for the first time in my life I felt unconfident and socially awkward. I didn't feel like I knew who I was. My body was new, my role as a Mom was new, and my entire world had been changed. It revolved around the sweetest little thing that I could have ever imagined, but sometimes I just longed for some girl time with someone who understood all the ups and downs that I was going through.
Making friends in high school and college is fairly easy because everyone has so much in common: you're broke, dating, studying, and looking to have fun. Finding "couple friends" when you're married is a little bit harder, but still pretty easy. But maintaining friendships once I had a new baby and worked full time was very hard. I didn't know many first time moms that were working and trying to learn how to be a mom, and even if I did I wouldn't have had time to hang out with them anyway. I didn't participate in church activities during the week because after being at work all day the last thing I wanted to do was come home and leave my baby again, so I wasn't making friends in my neighborhood. I felt like I was trying to get to know myself again, and find my new place in the world. I felt very alone and like I must be doing something wrong. It definitely wasn't postpartum depression, but I like to call it The One Year Funk.
Now that Beckett is over a year, my body is back to normal, I have more free time to spend with friends, I'm coming out of that funk, and I'm realizing that those feelings I was having are very common. I'm always surprised to find that people other than my Grandma's read my blog, but I've had a few girls mention to me how much they appreciate sharing what I've learned becoming a new Mom because they are learning so much that will help them prepare to be moms. So I'm telling you, if you have these feelings, you're not alone! The One Year Funk passes! Suddenly, having a night out is much more doable, I feel like myself again, finding out that I kept a human being alive for an entire year has been a real confidence booster, and play dates are my new favorite activity. I've recently come across a few things that have made me laugh so hard because I'm realizing how very normal it is to struggle finding "mom friends". This hilarious post about "mom dating" had me laughing so hard because it's so true that finding mom friends is a lot like dating. Recently I saw these two videos, that again, had me laughing because they hit so close to home.
Finding friends that understand the importance of only getting together between naps is a treasure. It's an extra bonus if you can show up in yoga pants covered in spit up and they don't care. Being a new mom is confusing and hard enough, there is no reason we need to go through it alone. It doesn't matter if you have different parenting philosophies, religions, or backgrounds. We all have poopy diapers, teething, and sleep issues in common. We just want someone to share our frustrations with car seat installations and awkward nursing stories with. Mom friends may be hard to come by, but once you find them, your friendship is something you will cherish forever.