What I Didn't Know When I Found Out I Was Going To Be A Mom

With Beckett's first birthday coming up this weekend, I've been thinking about how much our lives have changed in the last year. I started reading these posts I wrote when I first found out I was pregnant, and I remember how overwhelmed and inadequate I felt. How was I going to be a mom? How were we going to know what to do? How were we going to afford it? How was I going to handle being pregnant, and even worse.... childbirth? The last year has been the best year of my life, and looking back on how freaked out I was makes me laugh. There were so many things I didn't know....

I didn't know that my heart had the capacity to feel so much love for someone so tiny. I didn't know that motherly instincts were real and that I actually had them. I didn't know that my body was capable of doing such incredible things. I didn't know that I was actually going to enjoy being pregnant at times. I didn't know that Mark was going to be instant-awesome dad from day one. I didn't know that I was going to be able to handle working and learning how to take care of a baby. I didn't know I could love someone unconditionally before I could even see them. I didn't know that his first smile would bring tears to my eyes and make my heart nearly burst. I didn't know that bringing a sweet baby boy into the world was going to be the best thing that ever happened to me.

I wish someone would have told me..... actually, lots of people tried. I just didn't understand. It's something so remarkable and special that you can't explain it. And if you could explain it, there is no way to know what being a parent feels like until you are one. Even at the craziest, most sleep-deprived times, it's still the best feeling in the world. This sweet boy has blessed our lives more than I ever thought possible.