I feel so incredibly blessed and lucky right now. From the moment I found out I was pregnant (well, from the moment I accepted that it was true), I have wanted nothing more than to stay home. Becoming a mother is by far the biggest job and responsibility I have ever had. I want to do everything in my power be the best mom I can, and although in my heart I wanted to stay home with Beckett, I knew that meant going back to work. It was incredibly hard, but I knew it was the right decision for our family.
When Beckett was about 4 months old and we had the routine of going to work down, I knew I could work full time and be happy. I was still able to spend lots of time with him and for the most part maintain the other areas of my life, but I didn't feel satisfied. I hate to have a "grass is in greener on the other side" attitude, but I found myself constantly thinking how things would be just a bit better if I worked part time. Although I get to spend time with him every day, it never feels like quite enough. I can handle work, cooking dinner, and getting Beckett to bed on time, but that's it. I've cut out anything additional during the week in order to keep things running smoothly and not feel stressed out.
I absolutely love my job, the community I get to be a part of, my co-workers, and the personal fulfillment I have from working. I feel like I would be a little stir crazy being a stay-at-home mom, and I've felt for several months now that part time would be perfect for me. I would still get to do what I love, have some "me time", a reason to put on mascara, but be there for Beckett more. I knew that it would be really hard for us to do and maintain the type of lifestyle we want to have, and decided it was time to stop feeling unsatisfied. I have a great schedule, wonderful job, and wonderful people that I trust with all my heart to watch Beckett while I'm working..... there is no reason to complain. Then Mark got a new position at work and suddenly the possibility of part time became a reality. It wouldn't be easy, but I was going to figure out a way to make it work.
Mark and I spent several late nights talking, budgeting, and figuring out how to rearrange our lives so that I could be at home more. We knew it would require a lot of changes and sacrifices, but they are all worth it. I have felt more love for my husband than ever before for understanding the importance of me being at home more, and working so hard to make it happen. The last piece of the puzzle was finding out if working part time and keeping my job was even a possibility. The thought of leaving my school for something else was not something I wanted to do. Luckily I have a wonderful boss and work for an amazing school that is willing to work with me. It is going to require some rearranging at work, but I am able to keep my job and work three days a week. This decision is going to affect many more people than my little family, but I have the best friends, family, and co-workers that are helping to make this happen.
I know things will not suddenly be perfect. I have high hopes of working out, cooking more, and getting Beckett on a more consistent schedule. I know there will be days when it's hard to focus at work because I'm wondering how he is doing, days at home that seem incredibly boring and never ending, and times that will get frustrating when money is a little tighter than normal. But in the end I know this is the right decision. I feel like I will be getting the best of both working mom and stay at home mom worlds. The saying, "It takes a village to raise a child" is definitely true. My Mom will still watch Beckett one day a week, I will still need someone to watch him the other two, and then four wonderful days a week I get to be with him all day. I feel like this situation is very ideal for our family and I couldn't be happier!