24 Weeks

• I can't remember what it feels like to have a "skinny day". 
• I'm currently in denial and haven't purchased a single maternity item of clothing thanks to maxi skirts and belly bands. I have noticed my shirt selection is shrinking by the day though. Today I had to text my boss, "Outfit disaster. I'm going to be late." This is a sign of two things: 1. I have a cool boss. 2. It's time to go shopping for shirts.
• I miss sleeping in any position other than on my side. My stomach is starting to get in the way and I apparently am not allowed to sleep on my back because my uterus will explode or something. I can't really remember because there are so many pregnancy rules, but something bad will happen.
• Hello heartburn. Welcome to my life. Please feel free to take it over. 
• All I want to eat is cream cheese. I'm basically buying bagels and crackers simply as a vehicle for the cream cheese. I'm about ready to skip that step and just eat the brick with a fork and knife. 
• I find myself having urges to punch people in the face and/or pull their hair. In retrospect their annoying comment or action would have normally been no big deal and easily dismissed, but in the moment I don't see any reason not to freak out at them other than to avoid having the cops called on the crazy cream cheese crazed pregnant lady. 
• I'm beginning to get tired of following so many rules. Take your prenatal vitamin every day even if it makes you want to barf. Avoid pain killers and cold medicine (even though being pregnant causes wicked congestion). Don't take baths, only showers. Don't eat deli meat. Don't lift anything over 1 pound. Sleep on your left side. Don't eat soft cheeses. Exercise every day. Get extra rest and don't strain yourself. Does anyone else see a conflict with the last two? It doesn't matter if you're itching like mad, don't scratch or you'll get stretch marks. And lastly, make sure to avoid all fun summer activities you generally love like amusement parks, water parks, mountain bikes, long boarding, sleeping comfortably while camping, trampolines, and all activities that require moving your body.
• I can now get up in the middle of the night, go to the bathroom, and return to bed without even opening my eyes or fully waking up.  
• When I see a stranger that is also pregnant I want to ask her 1000 questions. How far along are you? Is this your first? If it's not your first then labor can't be as bad as I'm expecting, right? Or you wouldn't be doing it again, right? RIGHT? 
• I've actually been feeling pretty good lately so maybe I shouldn't be complaining so much. I should be saving my complaints for the third trimester. I hear that one's a doozy.