Leaky diapers and blowouts are just part of having a baby, but sometimes the situations I find myself in seem to be just a bit ridiculous. Here are just a few of my favorites:
The Very Irreverent Church Blow Out: This situation is particularly tricky because chances are you are dressed in your best and don't have a back up skirt in the diaper bag if things get really messy. To make things more interesting, your baby will often choose to wait until everyone is deadly silent in the middle of the prayer to make it known that he is, in fact, making a messy diaper. You aren't sure if you should blush and crawl under the bench to die of embarrassment, or start cracking up like the 10 year old boys in the row behind you. And just in case everyone in the room didn't hear what was going on, they will know when you return from the mother's room with your baby in a completely different outfit.
Bumbo Neck Poop: Oh the dreaded Bumbo diaper neck shoot. If you even think that there is a chance a dirty diaper is on it's way, do everything you can to keep your child as far from their Bumbo as possible. If you are not careful, the tiniest of dirty diapers can turn into the biggest disasters. Somehow the positioning of the seat requires anything that goes into the diaper has nowhere to go but up, generally into the neck area. This usually results in a bath and a load of laundry.
The Traveling Diaper Explosion: This is always great fun. You've carefully prepared by packing every item you might need for the day. You make sure to put your baby in a super cute outfit because you're going out to visit friends or family, and for once there is a reason for you and baby to wear more than sweats. You arrive at your destination, pull your little one out of the car seat, and wonder why you even spend money on diapers because they don't seem to do any dang good. You're hours away from a washing machine and not sure if there is even a changing table in walking distance. You will find yourself leaning half way into the car, attempting to use the slanted back seat as a make shift changing table while your baby screams because his head is jamming into the seat belt buckle. When you're all done you will notice that in your panic you threw the dirty diaper, mountain of wipes, and onsie into the parking lot. It's not even worth trying to save the onsie and it's much easier to just scoop the poopy pile of everything into a garbage bag and call it good.
The Lap Leak: There's nothing more special than feeding or holding your baby and gazing into their eyes as you think about how precious that moment is and you wish it would last forever. Suddenly your leg gets really warm and when you pick up your baby you see he left you a wonderful present of a mustard poo stain on your pants. Luckily, it makes a nice pretty design, so pretty you might even be able to pass for having bought your pants that way and you won't have to change after all!
The No Diaper Poo: Nothing, I repeat, nothing is as messy as a dirty diaper.... without the diaper. This generally happens mid diaper change, which means you are the target. Aren't you lucky?