Hard Mom Moments

When I used to imagine what it would be like to have a baby I had visions of frantically running around  like a crazy person but never accomplishing anything, a baby that never stops crying, hair that looks like I stuck my finger in a light socket, and feeling exhausted and stressed at all times. My experience has been far from that, but I have had a few moments like that and I like to refer to them as "hard mom moments". To be honest I can only think of two times so far where it's been really rough. I know he is only 12 weeks old, and there are many hard experiences to come, but I thought I would have had more by now. At least half a dozen nights where he won't stop crying and all I want to do is sleep or something, but I have been so lucky not to experience that (yet). 

The first time I thought to myself, "Oh this mom stuff is really hard!" was at the grocery store when he was just a few weeks old. I was starting to get the first signs of mastitis, I had a fever, we were in desperate need of groceries, and I needed to pick up my prescription. My cart was completely full and I had about 10 items left to get when he started screaming. I knew he wasn't hungry, but I had no idea what was wrong. I decided to take him out of his carseat and hold him while I attempted to finish the last of the trip. I had made it that far, I wasn't about to give up. The problem was the items I still needed were produce, and putting them in those stupid plastic bags is nearly impossible one handed. I had the sweetest old couple come over and help me get the last few items I needed. Then the kind old lady unloaded my cart at the cash register while I got Beckett back to sleep so I could pay. My eyes teared up as I thanked her. She told me she had had 10 kids and so many people had helped her, that now it was her turn to help other young moms, and someday it would be my job to help. I was still in my emotional post hospital trip state, and I cried the whole way home. I was so grateful for their help and I wish I could have done something to return the favor. 

My second hard mom moment happened yesterday. The time change really threw us for a loop and made for a very stressful day. I had it timed perfectly so that Beckett had been fed and is napping during the time that he gets picked up and dropped off at my work. He is used to eating an hour after pick up and drop off so with the time change he was a starvin marvin when he would usually be sleeping peacefully next to my desk. I look forward to going home, putting on comfy clothes, feeding him in my quiet house, and then playing for a few hours before dinner. Yesterday I had to feed him at school, drive home, hurry and eat dinner, then go back to the school for a late meeting and feed him there again. I'm so grateful my job is somewhat flexible and I'm able to take him with me to board meetings and things, but it was the first time that I felt really guilty for not being able to focus on him and also not being able to give my full attention to work. I was tired, he was off schedule, I felt the equivalent of a man cold coming on, and I was very torn between my job and being a mom. I'm so grateful that most days I am able to leave work at work and give my all to being there for him. I didn't handle the time change and late meeting combo well at all, but we made it. 

I wasn't sure the best way to get him back on schedule as quickly as possible to avoid another stressful pick up/drop off situation, but I think I found the trick and it only took one day. When he went to bed last night at what was the normal time to his body, I treated it like a nap and threw in an extra round of eating and playing. I woke him up after about an hour, fed him, and then he stayed awake until almost 10. That is two hours later than normal, but then I was able to start this morning at his usual time, rather than an hour early like his body would have wanted to. We will see how tomorrow goes, but I think it might have worked because he went to bed around 8:30 tonight like usual. 

This parenting business is rough stuff sometimes, but I love every second of it.