Welcome to the Club- 15 Weeks

I really like how one of the books I'm currently reading described being pregnant as if I'm suddenly entering this club and every member is so excited to welcome me. There is a pretty rough 9 month initiation, but there are plenty of people to help along the way. Men are not invited to the club and don't really have a clue about what goes on there. Being pregnant is something you can bond instantly with a stranger over because they know what you're going through. I've never had so much to talk about and never been so interested in what complete strangers have to say. Before, I could only strike up a conversation with someone I've never met if they happened to be a dog person, and afterwards we would both leave the park knowing each other's dog's names but not each other's.

I'm now part of this experience that so many people have had, and because they know how bad it sucks and how awesome it is all at the same time they are so excited for me. I know I had a freak out last week when I wrote the world's longest post, but I truly enjoy hearing what other women's experiences were like and what I have to look forward to/dread. The final step to the initiation is labor which sounds like it might be pretty awful, but it might not. Maybe I'll be lucky. Either way there is no turning back so everyone makes it through. It's not really an option to give up. 

Because I am not an official member yet, I still have a lot to learn. There are a few things I have picked up on so far though. As a member of the club your responsibilities include, but are not limited to:
  • Always reassuring girls in the "initiation stage" that they do not look fat and that they are "going to make such a cute pregnant lady". I currently find this to be the most important responsibility.
  • When a pregnant person says they are tired of hearing everyone else's pregnancy stories don't say, "Well when I was pregnant I hated that too" followed with more of how you felt when you were pregnant. Don't you see you are doing that thing you hated RIGHT NOW. 
  • When you hear someone that is pregnant for the first time having crazy ideas and making plans that you know are stupid simply respond with,"Oh you want to name your baby Hallelujah Flower Head? That's wonderful dear." or "You are going to continue running every day until you're 9 months pregnant? Good for you". If we want to paint all four walls and the ceiling of the nursery hot pink then let us. If we think we found an awesome name and you hate it, keep your mouth closed or we may bash you over the head with a frying pan. We want to feel great for a bit about our unrealistic plans to stay fit and healthy so just let us. If you tell us you think it's a bad idea we are just going to be bugged with you and do it anyway. Let the newbies have their dreams and learn their own harmless lessons. 
  • If you talk about how your pregnancy was a dream and you loved every second you risk getting B-slapped. If you go into great detail about how awful being pregnant was and how you had a more complicated delivery than any episode of Grey's Anatomy then you might make the pregnant girl hyperventilate. No matter what your experience, down play it a few notches to somewhere in the middle. 


Sam M said...

I pretty much love your responsibility list. You tell them you love that name, because they're gonna name that kid it if you hate it or not.