It's Worth It- 14 Weeks

Multiple times a day people ask how I am feeling. This is very kind, but I'm not sure if this is a courtesy question like when we greet people with, "How are you today?" and our response is always, "Good, how are you?" Rarely does anyone say how they are really feeling, and if they do then you quickly find yourself regretting having asked the question. So when people ask how I'm feeling I'm not sure if I should respond with "Great! How are you?" Or if I should say, "Well I'm sick of being nauseated by the slightest thing, speaking of which I can smell your breath from across the room, I threw up twice before I even arrived at work, and frankly I'm just plain scared".

I have been reassured countless times that being pregnant is "so fun" and labor "isn't that bad". I'm told that feeling the baby kick is wonderful and experiencing your body creating a baby is amazing and beautiful. I'm sorry but I think it's down right freaky. My body is being taken over and doing things I have no control of. My body. The thing I have worked so hard to keep active and somewhat healthy, and suddenly I'm sick more than I'm not and I don't have energy or even the desire to get off the couch. Usually this is something I have control over, but not anymore. This is only the beginning of being taken over. Soon I will look similar to when I was a pumpkin for halloween, my belly button will become an outy (kids always made fun of other kids with outys), heartburn and indigestion will consume my life, my bones will soften and hips will spread, some alien-like dark line will appear right down my stomach, I will be being punched from the inside out constantly, and I will no longer be able to sleep on my stomach which is the only way I know. And just in case you haven't been pregnant before, let me give you a heads up on something that I had no idea about until I overheard someone talking..... there is something referred to as "the plug" that falls out a few days before you go into labor. Gross gross gross. I seriously almost passed out.

I truly believe most women's memories of being pregnant are wiped clean after giving birth to make room for all those motherly instincts and as nature's way of making sure kids have friends throughout their childhood and everyone doesn't grow up as an only child. When I do talk about how I'm terrified of what's to come or how I don't know why people love being pregnant because so far it sucks, I'm just told that it's really not that bad and that it's all worth it when you are holding that baby. I'm sure people are just trying to reassure me and calm my fears, but sometimes it would be nice if someone said, "Yes it was an awful 9 months, I was scarred out of my mind, it hurt like hell, but I made it through and you will too". I find it hard to believe I am the only woman that has ever felt this way so I went in search of finding these women in the blogger world where I knew I would find hilarious and honest reports of what it's really like. This was a mistake.

At first it was quite entertaining and fun to read something I can relate to, but then I stumbled upon their painfully detailed and graphic birth stories, nursing experiences, and body changes. I can't believe people actually sign up for this pregnancy stuff..... and often more than once! I've done nothing but complain about being sick and the little changes my body has made so far, but I know this is just the beginning so I better suck it up. Because I'm fairly confident that my Dad and any other male family members do not read my blog I feel like I can tell you that my boobs are the size of planets, my pants are getting tight, it may be in my head but I swear I'm getting hairier, each day I get this overwhelming feeling that I'm about to barf mid-sentence but then I just sneeze, and I still don't really love food I'm just freaking starving all freaking day. And let's not forget about the part where I go to the bathroom for the third time in the night and return to bed just to instantly feel the need to pee again. I don't know that I'm cut out for this pregnancy stuff, and this is nothing compared to what I have to look forward to in the future! I have felt really calm and confident about labor and nursing up until now. I never ever should have ventured around the internet for more candid and relatable reading material than what's found on the women's health sites. I think I might be remembering the one bad experience from each person I talk to/read about and forget about the good stuff they have to say. Then my mind takes all the little bad experiences each person had and adds them all up and tells me that is what having is baby is going to be like. I WILL EXPERIENCE EVERY SINGLE BAD PREGNANCY SYMPTOM AND COMPLICATED DELIVERY ANY PERSON HAS EVER HAD ALL AT ONCE. Obviously I know this is crazy because I can trace my train of thought and put it down on paper, but I have to work really hard to think that logically and it tends to wear off quickly.

I do believe that it will be worth it. When I'm holding that sweet little baby I know I won't be thinking about all of this. I will probably be telling pregnant people that it wasn't that bad and making plans to do it again. That is still several months away though.