Things Not To Write About

Sometimes blogs are all, "Oh hey look at my cute perfect life. I never have problems or a bad hair day, and I never even fart." Not today though. Here are a few things I probably shouldn't really write about.

-Yesterday there were like three crumbs on the counter. I am not a fan of a crumby counter. I couldn't justify wasting a paper towel on three little crumbs, so I brushed them off in between the fridge and counter. I'm only going to live there for another year, after that it's someone else's crumbs.

-I wear a retainer at night. Remember the scene from date night where she pulls her slobbery mouth guard out when they're going to bed? That's us.

-I dreamt I was eating a feast of all the most fabulous foods that I love. This was the dream of all dreams because I swear I really could taste the food. The dream lasted what seemed like hours. Hours of endless deliciousness without getting full or gaining a pound. It was one of the best experiences of my life. Then the dream turned into one of those social nightmares similar to dreaming you show up at school naked and dealing with the fact that there is nowhere to hide. I was devouring all of my favorite foods when I suddenly realized I had my retainer in. I was chomping the heck out of it and drooling everywhere while this giant room full of all my co-workers watched me. Back to real life: my alarm went off and I woke up to chewing on my retainer.

-Each afternoon around 2:00 I slowly start losing concentration at work as my thoughts turn to washing off my make up, sweat pants, a sports bra, and a pony tail. By this time I've already been dressed in restricting work clothes for nearly 8 hours with 3 more hours to go. It's torture I tell you.

-Mark and I sat on the couch with tears rolling down our cheeks as we watched Marley and Me. It was definitely much more of a tear jerker the second time around now that we own a dog, but part of the reason I was crying was the fact the Jennifer Aniston looks better at 40 than I ever have.